The Now

So
I started this blog as a type of silent revenge against numerous people and as a way to vent without actually being heard. It was a really angry time in my life and I still feel somewhat angry when turning myself back to that time. However, I'm no longer in that time.

So, where am I now? Well, if only that answer could fit in a nice little pink box with an organza ribbon. I do think that i have grown a great deal in the time that I have had this blog and also been away from it. I think in the fact that I was never angry enough to write here for a few months shows that I'm less angry in general. Maybe it just shows that i have other outlets. Either way, I think it's not a bad thing. I'm starting to wonder if having reminders of how hurt and angry I was is actually a good thing at all. It is possible that I need to delete rather than remember, but I'm still figuring it all out.

I do feel like i have more self confidence, despite my situation not being as rosy as it was at one stage. And i feel great about meeting new people, getting to know old people and having the freedom to change my life as I please. Hopefully self confidence levels will continue to grow so I no longer have to "fake it to make it".

I do feel more self empowered. Yes there are days when I feel like I have the power of an earth worm, but I think having a look over the general space of my life I am in a better position. I'm making decisions that will impact heavily on my life and I'm actually enjoying that tremendously, despite it being very scary and not really knowing what I'm doing at all. At least I know now, these are my decisions and I have to take responsibility in the fact that I cannot blame anyone for any fuck ups now. They're all mine.

So: less angry, more self confident and making more self empowered decisions. It seems like I'm taking a step in the right direction. I know this is a rosy picture I'm painting and I know that I will come crashing down and land in a pile of dusty rubble, but at least I'm acknowledging a move forwards.

It can only get better from here on.