I cannot believe how stupid i can be sometimes. I really wish i could be me from the outside and shake myself so hard that reality hits. Honestly, why is this shit so difficult? If i can SEE it myself, from the inside mind you then WHY can i never or will i never do something about it?
It also really tickles me pink that i manage to have everything come down on me when i'm in my lowest slump. No, it appears it wasn't just a bad Monday, because today is a bad Tuesday. Before it's begun. Couldn't kick the mood before it settled and now getting rid of it will get pretty hard if i'm gauging myself right.
I don't understand this. I can see all of this. It's like i'm fucking autistic, know it and can't/ won't do anything about it. Yet i know the repercussions, i KNOW what all of this feels like. Am i lacking some part of my psyche? This is seriously bizarre. Self preserve mechanisms anyone? WHERE ARE MINE? But what is all the more interesting is that these situations keep arising. Come on big guy in the sky, how many more times is this going to happen? Honestly, if you could stop now, it would be great. I don't have any more strength left in me to deal with this and no, i'm not going to learn from it on time 87, has that not become clear to you?
That's all.
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