Now that I "have" what I wanted I'm not quite sure that I want it any more. I catch myself feeling a desire to jump headlong into things and throw myself and all my energy into this thing. However I catch myself with the feeling that I really should be a little conservative about this. I'm not all that sure how long this is going to last especially due to the number of ups and downs that have gone on. If it's not going to last then should I just throw my all in and allow it to extinguish, or should I not bother with the possible emotional exhaustion that might result? What if it does last longer, or I discover that I would like it to last longer, will I just be fooling myself or will I have fucked things up beyond repair by then? I acknowledge that I need to chill the fuck out a lot more but it's difficult to constantly fight that urge. I also feel myself getting hurt or offended by really stupid things that would ordinarily mean nothing to me. I think I'm just on full alert and trying to protect myself yet trying to enjoy myself and it's proving to be a little confusing and exhausting.
We shall see.
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