I never thought getting through a day or week could be so difficult. Fighting against my own person to just live through the day is not my idea of how life should be. It really shouldn't be like this, or should it? I don't actually care how things should be, myself personally i'm not feeling good. And to be quite honest i don't know when i will or if i really was. What is the purpose of living a life like that? Is this just me? Am i over reacting? You know, fuck that. I don't care if i'm over reacting. This shit feeling has become a reality for me and it's not just the shit feeling. It's the reality that causes it. People hurting me and constantly letting me down when i'm really at my weakest is something that i can't do. Yes, i've lived (ie survived) the past few days without intentionally destructive people that i thought i needed, but i can't be alone for my entire life. It really seems as if it's going that way. And when i'm at my worst of worst there isn't even a comforting thought i can allow myself to have, because i'm only lying to myself. I can't even use the lies to placate myself either because then i just fall deeper and deeper into the well when i'm rudely made aware of how much of a lie my situation is.
I set myself up for hurt. Stupid, yes. But now it hurts. It's all just fucking sitting there, what i am supposed to do with all of this? Is there any way to live a normal life?
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