An Unheard Response

It's quite funny that i get my own back here... in a place he'll never see and likely never hear about while I see everything he wishes to say, which has been so far removed from me (obviously) in the last three months. However this morning was a little different. He used his method of communication to the world or what the modern society today calls the blog to lash out at me. Yeah, me personally after adamantly trying his best to make sure that he felt fuck all, that i was nothing in his life and I deserved my consuming fate.

Heh. I suppose I do, don't I? Everyone deserves what they I get in some way I suppose. It all has meaning, or something.

Yet I still can't help wondering if that was intentionally for me. My training in the language I oh so love, yet hate has got me thinking whether the intended reader really was me, or maybe he's reaching out to the new intended reader I've so frequently and painfully come across. If I could comment on this blog, i wonder if i would. What would I say, what is there to say? What if I'm trespassing on ground that is not mine to walk on. Oh. But Iwill be.

But you know. Fuck this. If he had fought to keep me, if he had really wanted me, before it got to the stage where it became clear there was no going back, then maybe none of this would be happening. I wouldn't have hurt him, at all in fact. I wouldn't have done a lot of shit that i did. But that's mostly irrelevant.

He is still so angry. I wonder if he can actually cope with this kind of shit or if what I've done has broke him permanently. I really wouldn't want to have done that, intentionally. But actually, in so many ways he seems to be projecting the attitude of I'm Just Fine, thanks bitch. So, okay, I'm Just Fine. Fuck off and stop hating me. Maybe look at your part in it. Fuck man. Holding on to that type of anger is what turned me off of you all those years back when I rejected you the first time. That specific anger which you held on to for our entire relationship. No wonder it fucking ended like this.

My comment would be "Let go of your anger, you're killing yourself with it". That is, if I was anonymous.

If I wasn't, I wouldn't comment, just as I've proceeded now. Because he can't ever and will never understand that I actually care about people. Maybe even about him. Although I'm not sure on the last one. Is that good or bad? I dunno.

Edit: Oh har, it has a double meaning heading to it too. "callous" How hilarious.